Are You Raising Your Kids? or Are Your Kids Raising You?

Are you raising your kids? Or are your kids raising you?

Have you ever schooled by your child? and shocked because your child was right for once and you were wrong. Did you admit you were wrong? or did you tell your child they were out of their bounds because you did not want to admit they were right. I honestly believe it is a joint effort. We are all learning. Each day is a learning experience. No matter how many books you read before you have children, You will not truly understand what it takes to be a parent until you become one. No, I am not saying men and women who have not had children can not understand or have a natural instinct; when it comes to children and relating to parents. When I was trying to conceive, I hated when people would criticize my husband and myself because we had not had children yet. Yet we were able to come up with ways to help discipline and interact with everyone else's children. Now we have a little one of our own and what we knew then still works.However we notice we are not always the ones who use those strategies. Those very ones that told us we don't know what we are talking about are the very ones using the same techniques we used on their children. The funny thing is we don't always remember to use the what we did when we didn't have kids. It came easier when you were the outsider looking in. I think the lack of sex and sleep play a part in that. Hey I am married and there is nothing defiled in the bed of marriage. When I said my vows, I earned the right have as much sex or as little sex as we agree too.

 That aside each kid you have will teach you something. As you teach your children manners, moral values, social skills. They are teaching you how to see the world differently. They are teaching you to be less selfish and more selfless. More aware of the good and the bad in the world. You want to protect them from the bad of course, but your teaching will equipped them with the survival skills to get through those bad experiences and your love and praises can equipped your daughters from getting in a bad relationship because you as a father taught her what real love should look like. Nothing disrespectful, nothing degrading or putting you down. But uplifting and supportive. Mother's you are teaching you son how to treat a lady and one day your wife. Mother's and father your are putting the code of life in your children hoping for them to go to new heights. To be moral and successful men and women. No one can make you madder then your spouse or your child. They can drive you crazy to no end in not time. However, your kids have a way of letting you know how well you have taught them. Even when you think they are not paying you any attention. They hear every word. When you least expect it they are using your words against you. Not to make you look bad, but because you were in the wrong they simply pointed it out. In your own words no less. Now I remember doing this many times to my mom growing up. Now That I have my  year old son he just starting to really talk used my words to correct me and do what he wanted. Sadly he was right.  At 2 no less. I can't imagine what he will be doing at 12 or 20 years old. All I could do was laugh. I told him in my own way why he still had to wait before he could get the candy.  I had to look at this 3 ways. One my kid is pretty smart for 2. I also looked at it as my child is really listening and has a good understanding of what I am saying.  Lastly, I have to be more careful about how I say things.  Each day you have to be creative. He is growing up and he is going to continue to catch new ways of trying to do things. He is already testing me with things I recognize I tried to get away with as a child. What are they putting in that DHA? But again he amazes me. Same thing with you if you have kids or are around kids and you really pay attention to these kids. They can show you a glimpse of how they see life. This is the only time you can really see the way they see the world. Their world is not corrupt yet. The clouds still change shapes for them right now. There innocence and the way things are so simple for them. Sometimes give us a way to relax or even handle a situation with an adult at work. We are sometimes at work more than we are with our own families. We get so caught up in unnecessary situations, the job, a co-worker, what a co-worker said, or the work load, keeping this job we feel are larger than life. In reality it is a time suck. 

Sucking the life right out of us. Taking time away that we will never get back. Missing the first steps, or the first word or the first dance. These moments can't be given back once they are gone and a job can be replaced. If you get sick today at work and they let you go they would just higher another person. Leaving you sick and stressed out, but that job would still be there with someone else in your place. What are your priorities? Your kids sometimes help you put life in prospective without you even realizing. We can learn a great deal from them. Not just when we think they are being smarty pants. Have you ever noticed your child cry or wipe your eye when you cry? Have you ever had your child tell you to "stop it" if he/she heard you and your spouse argue? Have they ever told you, you were not right when speaking badly to someone?  Have you ever noticed a child just get a toy and noticed another kid crying because they wanted to play with the same toy they just got. Seeing the other kid cry gave the toy to the kid to stop them from crying? No, not all kids are like this. But not all kids are selfish. Behaviors are learned. Kids are born color blind. When they see another kid of a different ethnicity. They just see someone to play with. The parent or guardian is the one who have the hang up,  fear or issue with color. What can we learn from this? If you are afraid of dogs you will put the same fear in your children. Not because they were bit, but because they see you are afraid. So they associate that as a relative fear that they should have because you have it. We can learn many things from our children. Try it this week. Take some very precious time with your little ones. Look at the world through there eyes. Look at there art work and have them explain it to you. Read them a book and have them interpret it in their own words; or draw a picture explaining their story. Take a ride to their favorite yogurt spot and ask your teenager how school was. Who is their best teacher? and who is their worst teacher? and why? As much effort as we put in our jobs we ask our kids to be emotionally independent. Telling them in so many words that they need to fend for themselves because I am tired. (I had a long day. Maybe we can talk tomorrow.)  Just a reminder, they will not be kids forever. Don't take this time for granted. Try it and see if they can help you find your balance .